A 20-something and a 30-something debate life
At age 20, I knew everything.
At age 32, I know nothing.
Confession: I sometimes miss the fearless 20-something who exuded confidence and threw it around with reckless abandon.
I know better now. I’m more thoughtful, measured, meticulous — but somehow never quite as sure as I once was.
The other day, I came across a blog post I wrote when I was 20 and on the precipice of adulthood. About to graduate college, I had sought to distill the knowledge I’d acquired in my four years at university. I wrote a list of 20 things I’d learned and shared it on my old blog. Reading that list a decade later makes me smile. I was a baby then, and my perspective has changed so much.
What I wouldn’t give now to sit down at a café in Oswego with my 20-year-old self for a cup of coffee. She’d indulge me in a million micro-memories that I’ve long since forgotten — tales of drunken nights and wild adventures, of possibility and uncertainty; I’d listen graciously and share with her everything I’ve learned at age 32. Maybe she’d roll her eyes and call me a boring adult … or maybe, just maybe, she’d smirk and call me badass. I like the latter.
Since I can’t turn back time, I thought it would be fun to go back through the list and respond to my 20-year-old self. Check out 32-year-old Jenna in bold.
1) Change is actually a really beautiful word. If nothing changed, nothing good would ever happen.
- Change is beautiful and awful and every adjective in between. She will break your heart and then give you the thing you’ve been longing for. Sometimes, change won’t come at all. You’ll sit on a bench at a bus stop and search for change in either direction, not sure which way she went. She won’t come, that Change. You’ll have to thrust yourself into the unknown in pursuit of her. But my God, does she always seem to guide you to something incredible.
2) You meet a lot of people in life and they all have a different purpose. There are people who are meant to challenge you, people who are meant to test your patience, and people who are meant to hurt you. They just help you build character. Then, there are people who are meant to help you. These are the ones with whom you can crawl into bed at 4 a.m. because you got into a fight with the guy you’re seeing. These are the ones with whom you can sing into hairbrushes and jam out to the Backstreet Boys because you’re feeling a little ridiculous. These are the ones with whom you can get large coffees and drive around for hours with no destination in mind; the ones with whom you can share anything and know they would never hold it against you. These are the ones you should hold onto. Let go of anyone who hinders your growth.
- Yes, sweet Jenna. You got it right. The world is filled with demons and devils who will break your heart, and your 4 a.m. friends will still make the hard stuff a little easier. So will the human you marry.
3) Easy Mac is the scientific equivalent to heaven. It’s a statistical fact.
- I’m pretty sure the data has remained consistent on this topic. EZ Mac = MC2 (and MC2 = heaven, right?)
4) If you want it, go and get it. Plain and simple. If it’s worth it, you’ll give it your all until it’s all yours.
- Agreed on the grind. You have to work for your goals. But at the end of the day, don’t forget to eat good food and get plenty of rest.
5) More memories are made at 2 a.m. than any other time. Thus, coffee at 1 a.m. is never a problem. Neither is wine.
- Dear God, please stop drinking coffee after 3 p.m. PLEASE.
6) Saying “yes” often leads to better things than saying “no.” Sometimes your paper can wait a few more hours…
- Stop procrastinating. You need to have a clear vision for what you want and execute on that vision. If you don’t, you’ll never get where you’re going.
7) Travel as often as humanly possible, even if it’s only in your own backyard. If you get the chance to go to Europe, do it. If you get the chance to go to Rome or Rome, New York, do that, too. Who knows what kind of adventures you can find. Even if you just stumble upon a little restaurant, chances are, it’ll give you something to talk about.
- PREACH, queen. We love a good travel story.
8) Sometimes falling is funny…painful, but funny. We all mess up. So, say sorry when it’s appropriate. Pick yourself up when you can. Most importantly, laugh through your embarrassment. After all, you’re only human and the important people will understand.
- 20-year-old Jenna, how did you get so insightful?
9) Living in an all-freshman dorm your first year of college will be frowned upon by many, but nothing can replace the memories of racing chairs down hallways, making Christmas cookies, having flour wars and going to dinner together as a group of awkward freshmen.
- Nothing will ever replace the memories you made roaming new countries by yourself, backpacking through Europe or meeting your love at the altar and then having a huge dance party afterward. The good news is, the memories keep on rolling.
10) Having self-respect is all important, because if you don’t respect yourself, no one will.
- Also, respect others … when they deserve it.
11) It’s the friends who can look directly at you and know something is bothering you with no words exchanged who matter.
- It’s not other people’s job to figure out how you’re feeling. It’s yours. Want better relationships? Know yourself. Then, communicate.
12) Bring a heavy jacket with you no matter where you go. Just because it’s 90 degrees now doesn’t mean it won’t be 30 by the time you get home. Wait, that might only be in Oswego…
- … and Buffalo. Seriously, don’t forget your coat on this lovely 92.5-degree day.
13) Your professors are more than just people who teach you course material. They are real people who were in your shoes years ago, and you can learn more from them than just the literary works of David Sedaris and Cheryl Strayed. It doesn’t hurt to go to office hours just because you can. They each have a story, and so does everyone else.
- Same but, like, with strangers and friends alike. Literally everyone has a story, so listen up.
14) If something really frightens you, do it any way. That’s the only way you’ll ever get over your fears and in the end, it makes you a more versatile person.
- You’re fierce and fearless and have nothing to prove. Only do what you actually want to do.
15) Sometimes jumping in a car, grabbing a coffee and just driving solves all of your problems (except maybe the gas-money issue).
- Save gas. Take a nap.
16) Learn to speak your mind but also learn when to shut up and keep it shut. Everyone has their differences, and it’s okay to state what you think, but sometimes shutting up is the only way to avoid an argument. Those are more of a pain than anything.
- *Insert appropriate silence here.*
17) Getting involved on campus and completing internships is essential. It helps you network and build your résumé. That’s what employers look for when you graduate.
- Building a resume is important, but not as important as building a life.
18) Call your mom once a week…or whenever life shits all over you. No matter what, she’ll always be there.
- Still true … *Immediately picks up the phone.*
19) Showing up is half the battle. I’ve seen many people fail class because they skipped every other one. On that note, sometimes it’s okay to skip class if it means you get to go to New York City. Just don’t make it a habit or it will bite you in the bottom.
- Showing up is half the battle. The other half is putting your head down and doing the work that needs to be done. Success comes from doing both.
20) Coffee is your best friend.
- BFFs 4 Lyfe. (Side note: Do kids these days even know what that means?)
What else would you add to this list? Any words of wisdom from your 20s? Leave yours below.
Signed,
An Older-but-Maybe-Not-Wiser Jenna
Jenna Lee Schifferle 